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I think I may be getting better at timing things together. I had a nice walk today, might do it again later. Was thinking about some comments and syncs that have been happening with my family.
My sister starting playing games on her phone with a bunch of other people. Some war game she found. She used to make fun of me for playing games all the time and it made me smile she started doing it too.
My mom also made comments that freaked me out. I had a couple of dreams about her, problem identifying/solving types. I think what I have been trying might be working.
Had a dream last night about Chloe. Been worried about her health a lot lately. She’s been having trouble with her leg, can’t walk very well anymore. She turns 14 in November.
The dream was we were in a bedroom and she was leaning against the bed shaking. I looked down at her side and on her rib cage was a large open wound. It was bluish in color, had flies in it, and some other sucking things attaching eating at it. I was crying in a panic trying to get everything off of her. Then the scene switched to her laying next to the wall going into convulsions. I was crying and hugging her but didn’t know what to do.
I still don’t know what the gameplay is but it made me cry thinking something might happen to her before you got meet the 3 of us.
“What will it take to beat hate?”
Finding the beautiful in everything.
Compassion
Understanding
Staying true to yourself. – This was a big one for me. Things that made me feel awful inside I would steer clear from.
Preventing unneeded or unwarranted heartache would be another on my list.Earlier I was also thinking about a dream I had years ago, I think in my 20’s. It was of a friend who I hadn’t spoken to for years that was living out in the mid west coming back to NJ to visit. I saw that she started a new job as a school teacher and also mending ties with her mom who she had a really bad relationship with previously. She also had dark hair. We became friends again. Went she got here all of that was true.
Got me wondering if I had been sending msgs throughout my life?
My sisters new car and her window decorations! It’s called a Rocky Ridge Wrangler. How funny is that! 😀
https://x.com/RoxanneA/status/1711107363959136692?s=20
Just went to her FB page and this was her pinned post 😀 She gets upset that people call her weird all the time for her interests. I posted my costume and told her we were in it together.
Also talked about ego deaths briefly with her. Tried to repaint a couple stories. I would love to see her happy and smiling again and the broken bridges repaired.
I was going to write some of the details of my experiences a bit ago then my throat felt like it closed up. I started thinking about the forum set up, how it’s personal and shut down.
My sister then knocked on the door and wanted to chat for a bit. She was upset about some things that just happened. As she was talking I was seeing a lot the different lessons I learned in the beginning of it. She kept asking for my opinion but on the couple things I gave it she got more hostile so I wasn’t sure what to do so I just listened. But what was interesting about it was when she judged he judged x2, then she retaliated in kind. It escalated the entire discussion to a rage between both parties. So my concern is without the info in their mind like I had how do they fix it? If they go at each other like that they won’t have any love in their hearts just bitterness. Not a healthy situation
I read something that said “explain your anger don’t express it”. I’m going to have to try my problem solving technique to get an answer to it. Cause thinking of my own experiences I’ve tried explaining things to people and it generally either gets ignored or misunderstood. The situation gets prolonged, I give up trying to talk about it till I reach a snapping point. Not a healthy situation either.
I just had a great conversation with my aunt. She’s been very depressed lately over a lot of different family issues. This aunt helped raise me when my father died, she’s always been important to me, because I could talk to her about all kinds of things I was interested in. It always felt like she talked to me as an adult instead of a kid. The topics were usually esp stuff or spiritual books she was reading. We had one of those conversations today and it was great doing that again. She’s very into witchy stuff too. Lots of skills peaking through. I want to see her heal all of her sadness. That would be amazing for her, and her family too.
One interesting thing she said was that I hadn’t gone through the dark night of the soul yet because I had posted things about love. Made me smile cause I think I’ve gone through a bunch of them so far.
When she was leaving she gave me the biggest hug and said thank you for always listening and never judging me. I’ve been one of the few people she’s always been able to talk to about the things she’s interested in. Made me feel really good. Maybe I’ll be able to help her too.
My iPhone had my trip to Niagara Falls as the movie today. This pic stood out. And I have lots of questions about tickle bombs.
Did I ever do one to you?
Do you like the name? Not what I originally thought of, but really works across the board.
I also really like surprises and would like more please 😀Yesterday something odd happened. I got really tired as was driving so I pulled into a shopping center parking lot to take a nap. I left the car running with music playing and dosed off. I woke up in a panic thinking I feel asleep at a red light. Realized where I was and calmed down. Opened my phone and the post was there with the spilled red paint. Didn’t think about it again till now and got worried about it.
The only way I’ve gotten through all of this is to wall it off and ignore it. But that only lasts so long then I break down again. The truth is my hopes were shattered. I’ve been grasping at straws to keep afloat.
The other day I had a panic attack. Think it was my first time experiencing that. (Go me?) Forget what actually triggered it but it revolved around doing this to anyone else. Ever. I bursted out in tears, started yelling at myself in the car, asking why we agreed to participate in this to begin with.
Mentally, the last 4 months have been a challenge. Cycles of being down on myself, mad at myself, a lot of bitterness comes up. Then something sparks and I get hope again and then the spiral repeats.
My enthusiasm for posting here is gone. Feel pretty dead inside atm. I don’t understand the point of the continuous moderation, blocked posts, and the nonsense that goes on. Just feel like I’m continuously being fucked with.
My dreams are fun and beautiful. That’s what I want everyone to experience, myself included.
About the birds chirping
What’s the deal with some of them thinking it’s a good thing to take traumatic experiences and make them worse? I get that I had control over my twitter feed, but I read it straight from some of their mouths in discord.
“Some people don’t make it through”
“Can you survive”Why the fear tactics? Why go out of your way to make it hard for people?
The book of job as justification? I’d sooner they take that book and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine.
Hearts and happiness go hand in hand.
They are just being dicks.
Would be cool to know how this works too. Didn’t know what to say about it, other than I thought it was pretty, but rife “cure all” frequency was the top pop.
This was in my FB memories from 1 year ago today.
Bird talk? Reminder for myself? Tieing into all my previous posts today?
I know the two wolves story, but I don’t get why I posted the two white.
There was a part of a dream I just remembered from the beginning where when I opened my eyes somebody else was in front of me with reddish hair. I freaked out and was trying to get away then fell asleep immediately after I opened my eyes. When I woke up again everything was back to normal.
This took me quite a few months to get over. I matched the face with someone I saw on twitter. I kept thinking about the post Brian made about the faces blurring together to help me through. But, the comments that person made did not help in the slightest.
“Anything is possible” – astral rape? guess so? I’m hoping it was just me seeing the possibility of somebody trying to get on top in the future like the other dream. The other dream though, I saw them coming into the scene. This one I didn’t. That sucked and may be tied to the red light panic attack.
Can we change this set up please?
It makes me very sad that I can’t share my thoughts and dreams with Brian directly. Sometimes I get so excited to tell my story then come here and know Im just going to be talking to myself on a forum and I just get depressed. I talk all day long to myself, I don’t need to do it on a forum too.
I’ve also shared plenty of my story with multiple communities publicly. I don’t want to do that anymore. It’s personal and means the world to me. One person can have it, if he wants it. The birds have their own ways.
There’s only one person I said could have my story. And if he starts putting out more it would make me very happy. In fact, I have a honey do list:
More kisses
More cuddles
More hitting the tickle spot (the really good one would be nice too)Oh and I want a REAL first kiss on the books.
Almost forgot, ad comments are a good source too. The ads are doing something weird too, subscribing you to their tags, and if you want to opt out its additional hashtag which is also an ad for them. They cheating!
The picture turning sideways happened again. Every time the magic wand pops it reminds me to go look at the community group. There’s a new request there that I can’t see. Not sure if I should put this picture in it either cause I did read that it’s a glitch with the iPhone and this one wasn’t on my feet, though it was in sync with the where all the X’s popped and the pine cone picture which had my shoes in it when I said blonde’s had more fun. I don’t know how to put all that into words that the group would understand cause it’s a chain of events that you’d need to know the whole story to get
