Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
So did I pre-program myself to want to take a nap? I think I read that before I took the dogs for a walk and decided I was tired.
Also, I got woken up at 2:02 this morning by the dog. If that was you sorry I didn’t get up. I was tired and didn’t know if it was real or not.
Cuz didn’t post. I did mine and bikini pics, showing my Joe. That’s what I named my belly back in high school. I called it that because I said a girl wouldn’t do that to another girl. Body image issues are a bitch. The mind the deliverer? It does take creativity to not only get it off, but willing to discuss it, overcome your obstacles, and move forward one step at a time.
Living in the age of uncertainty.
Fear is the mind killer.
Last summer I led myself to the mindset of “believe it and you will see it”
With that I made the decision when I was in Texas to go to California. I had a lot of dreams about you, I believed any one of them could happen. Walks on the beach, out for coffee, a summer of fun. Something, anything, to help me make it make sense. I followed my heart and my parting gift was heartbreak.
Is that the story you wrote for me? Is that what you want me to experience again? Is that why you were sad in the first podcast I heard?
I wrote that ad yesterday to publish to the universe. Your posts popped up again which they very rarely do that time in the morning. I would love to have believed they were written specifically for me.
Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. I’ve seen the syncs in action. The ebb and flow. The unintentional intentionality of it all.
In all my gaming days I never dabbled with being a beta tester. So many games never made it launch and were just vaporware. I always waited till launch day so I could play it in it’s entirety and fully commit.
So what am I doing now? Still wishful thinking? Working out the bugs?
I lost my confidence. I’m in “I’ll believe it when I see it” mode. I get excited dreaming about something then give myself a reality check. Nothing’s changed. The entire love story is a virtual reality.
Why would I write that for myself if I wouldn’t ever want that for myself? And that’s where the flip comes in. “I” wouldn’t. Maybe it was the dickhead who let me get fat? Cause there are parts of myself that have been pretty damn accurate as what was going to happen in my life. Or maybe I’m just a pawn in whatever cosmic game is being played and still just a slave. How does “me first” fit into all this? Which part of me?
My heart is not into pretending, my heart wants to make it real.
Are we all on the same page? Cause there has to be another person in the picture for that to happen. Spinning in circles cause it’s still just selfies.I was just looking at some pictures of a couple of black ladies Im friends with who have no issues being in bathing suits or showing their bodies. They look great too. I never feel like I look good when I’m heavier. What are the cultural differences? Maybe it isn’t cultural maybe it’s environmental conditioning? Trying to trace it back.
Elementary school – mom had me doing sit-ups on her bedroom floor saying I was too fat
My friend’s mom ration’d my food saying I needed to go on a diet. I was 125 and 5’5 in 10th grade. I didn’t think I was fat then, till that happened. Had a pooch but it was more of funny thing, not a dis-ease then.
Dancing coaches told me I was too fat at that weight too. I remember going to Nutri-system to lose 10 lbs. I was dancing every day, then restricted my calories so much I dropped 10 lbs in a week. I stopped going cause I thought that was a ridiculous amount of weight to lose so quickly. Plus the people there would make comments to me saying it was ridiculous that I was even there, not nice like either. Kind of scoffed at me.
I gained weight after my partner splits, I guess from eating the same and the amount exercise dropping off.
Had the bf that snuck out tell me that if the person your with gains weight that was justification for cheating on them.
I did compete at 155 with Craig, I thought that would be my high mark. I was definitely out of shape, and it’s harder to move at that weight but it was slowly coming down. John was cool about it when we met. He didn’t care about the weight he liked the way I danced and wanted to dance with me. It did come back off as we practiced. By the time we were on the floor I was back down around 130, went a bit smaller than that too.
Gained again after that. My friend told me to just try to stay under 160 because my face got too fat above it. (this stuck)
Got into real estate when I was with Greg, stopped dancing cause of my knees and ballooned up to 195.
Got it back off and when I was dating Rich started gaining again. He got mad though. He would say he was worried about my health and getting heavier, but his tone said differently.
Got it back off and started dating Flavi and hit 195 again.
Went down the shore lost a chunk. Started feeling happy and active again. Got to my sisters and started gaining.So what have a learned? Happiness is key for sure. But catching it early enough to try to fix what is happening in my mind is important as well. I know I’m ruff on myself right now and not having the same view as I did last year this time even though I care a lot less of what people think in a lot of other ways.
I was imagining a bit ago about how fun it would be to live off the land in Baja. Catching your dinner ever day. That would be a new experience too. Not the fishing part, but actually having to live to eat, feet in the water, nice a grounded. Maybe get one of those nets like the kids on the beach had to catch the bait. Never been afraid to bait the hook, didn’t like killing it, but didn’t mind scaling the fish. Been a long time since that too. Going back to grand dad days. Ski had a Captain named Ray and a first mate named Rusty on the yacht. I also had an Irish setter named Rusty. Ray was a great cook. He cooked and cleaned the fish and the boat too.
The succulents made me smile.
Only thing hair related I’ve done recently is bought Nair. Testing it on my lip and chin because trying to get to waxing places with an RV and no car is a challenge. Tested it on my legs, kinda worked kinda didn’t. My legs felt more stabby so I didn’t like it much. Like it cut the hair off at the wrong spot or maybe I didn’t put enough on. Gonna try it on the bikini line again. Wiped it off to soon last time.
I did eat a chicken pot pie for dinner last night. Forgot I occasionally ate them too last summer.
I did call my picture posting pin the tail on the donkey the other day. Then decided a was bored of doing that.
The thing is, I don’t really know what I’m pinning anyway. After a bit I get tired of reading it all and just post for something to do. Unless it’s something that makes me laugh, which rarely has something to do with another person, or trying to embarrass them for that matter.
But it’s what was the top spot and trigger so writing about it.
I went to Blind Pass Beach yesterday. Still not sure why I did that. I was hoping to get some really beautiful Sunset pics but it was cloudy and cold, so I didn’t want to stay.
Had a nice driver. He waited for me, said he could wait 30 minutes and I maybe took 10. He had an interesting story. He said he graduated high school at the age of 13. Got into computers. Got married, had a boy. His wife left him for a man she met on the internet. He said he has ADHD and doesn’t sleep. Always gotta find something else to do. Had bad allergies as well. Told him he should try eating the local honey and it will help clear it up. We did get to talking about computers. I asked him about Chatgpt. He said he played with it a bit at a friends house. He said he broke it by asking it what was the speed of light. He said he could read something once and have it memorized and he had tons of information stored. So I asked him why he wanted to know the sq route of the speed of light. He didn’t know, just something he came up with. I said, gotcha. I said so what’s the speed of light? He didn’t know, thought about it a bit. Then said 2.789 I didn’t understand the number. I asked if it that was miles per hour? So I asked Siri and she gave a number over 600 million. mph.
<div class=”w-full text-token-text-primary” data-testid=”conversation-turn-2″>
<div class=”px-4 py-2 justify-center text-base md:gap-6 m-auto”>
<div class=”flex flex-1 text-base mx-auto gap-3 md:px-5 lg:px-1 xl:px-5 md:max-w-3xl lg:max-w-[40rem] xl:max-w-[48rem] group”>
<div class=”flex-shrink-0 flex flex-col relative items-end”>
<div>
<div class=”pt-0.5″>
<div class=”gizmo-shadow-stroke flex h-6 w-6 items-center justify-center overflow-hidden rounded-full”>
<div class=”relative flex”></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class=”relative flex w-full flex-col lg:w-[calc(100%-115px)]”>
<div class=”flex-col gap-1 md:gap-3″>
<div class=”flex flex-grow flex-col max-w-full”>
<div class=”min-h-[20px] text-message flex flex-col items-start gap-3 whitespace-pre-wrap break-words [.text-message+&]:mt-5 overflow-x-auto” data-message-author-role=”user” data-message-id=”aaa2fe67-cf70-443a-b394-8bdc7a471922″>
<div class=””>what’s the square route of the speed of light</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class=”mt-1 flex justify-start gap-3 empty:hidden”>
<div class=”text-gray-400 flex self-end lg:self-center justify-center lg:justify-start mt-0 -ml-1 visible”>
<div class=”flex items-center gap-1.5 text-xs”></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class=”w-full text-token-text-primary” data-testid=”conversation-turn-3″>
<div class=”px-4 py-2 justify-center text-base md:gap-6 m-auto”>
<div class=”flex flex-1 text-base mx-auto gap-3 md:px-5 lg:px-1 xl:px-5 md:max-w-3xl lg:max-w-[40rem] xl:max-w-[48rem] group final-completion”>
<div class=”flex-shrink-0 flex flex-col relative items-end”>
<div>
<div class=”pt-0.5″>
<div class=”gizmo-shadow-stroke flex h-6 w-6 items-center justify-center overflow-hidden rounded-full”>
<div class=”relative p-1 rounded-sm h-9 w-9 text-white flex items-center justify-center”>ChatGPT</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class=”relative flex w-full flex-col lg:w-[calc(100%-115px)] agent-turn”>
<div class=”flex-col gap-1 md:gap-3″>
<div class=”flex flex-grow flex-col max-w-full”>
<div class=”min-h-[20px] text-message flex flex-col items-start gap-3 whitespace-pre-wrap break-words [.text-message+&]:mt-5 overflow-x-auto” data-message-author-role=”assistant” data-message-id=”d6abfaa4-6095-42f2-994b-a5b0ddab805f”>
<div class=”markdown prose w-full break-words dark:prose-invert dark”>The speed of light in a vacuum is approximately 299,792 kilometers per second (km/s). Taking the square root of this value gives you the speed of light itself, which is around 173,144.98 km/s.
</div>
I’m still confused.
<div class=”markdown prose w-full break-words dark:prose-invert dark”></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>Thousand Trails Fort Myers
I don’t understand this company. All their photos of course show beautiful amenities, that’s the sales pitch. This is my third campground and the interiors really need a lot of work. The roads are run down as are all the sites, and they are sandwiched together like sardines. So part of me thinks I should show that but then I don’t want to say bad stuff about a place, then again they have some sort of upsell Ponzi scheme going on about going anywhere anytime and the people said they had to spend 15k for a lifetime membership plus the 600 a year maintenance fee. Sounded like a timeshare but most of those places are much nicer. Scroll through the top pictures if you’d like see their photo brochure
https://thousandtrails.com/florida/fort-myers-beach-rv-resortI did think it was cool that there was a lemon tree on a neighboring property. Tried to run it through llava to make sure it was a lemon and not some exotic fruit.
One thing I forgot. When I got into the car I saw an orange glow around his mouth, I thought he died his beard or something. When we got to the beach he asked if he minded if he got out too so he could get shells for his son. I said not at all. When he got out of the car he had spaghetti sauce all over his face, so I told him. Then told him to go look in the mirror so he could clean it off and he did, most of it anyway. He told me it was the spicy sauce from the noodles he ate.
Which reminded me of the other part of the convo, about antihistamines. I told him to add in Vitamin C too, a whole food. Oranges or peppers. He said he ate lots of peppers. Cayenne, which I looked up had 72% of needed requirements, and then he said ghost. That only had 4. I told him bell peppers had a ton, and they had over 200%. I said, if you like knowing stuff you should research some of the natural remedies for his allergies. He was taking 3 allergy pills every day. Then he talked about mushrooms and I didn’t get into that topic cause I couldn’t remember what they had in them. I know they are used for medicinal things but couldn’t remember what. I did order mud coffee before but didn’t like the taste of it.
Today is measurement day for my MILF group. Hopefully anyway, I’ll post mine and a picture of me and maybe Cuz will do the same.
Looking in the mirror vs looking in pictures. Why are they so different?
Two weeks ago I was looking in the mirror and I felt good about my progress. Clothes seemed to be fitting a little better too.
I put on the Lacey pink blouse I have the other day to see if it still fit and it did. Just a tad tighter in the boobs. So 8ish lbs difference if I go by the one website I looked at. 8 lbs for an inch.
There’s also a difference in my old pictures vs newer ones. My old pictures from before last year I could tell you what I weighed in every single one of them. In the last year, 170- 160 range is all, only weighed myself a few times. Never made it to the 150’s. Yet. I’ll get there.
One of my favorite weights was when I was dancing with Rance. I weighed 130 ish. Felt curvy but not boney. Felt good in just about everything I put on. That was the Texas Challenge costume I posted before and the one in the upgraded black dress.
I know it’s about how I feel and not the numbers but I also know how I felt at each of the numbers. At 155 while I was comfortable with most things, I was still feeling uncomfortable in some clothes.
At the 130 I felt like I looked good. But I did have hang ups about the pooch for a belly. It wasn’t bigger than my boobs though, so I just felt shapely, and not just shapely, felt sexy too when I looked at those pictures.
Some of these posts have been confusing me lately. Not sure what they are referring to.
12 yrs ago
Jesus is still my favorite story.
I do enjoy the images that remind me of it. But I read the sweatshirt today in a new light. Free Spirit. What does free mean exactly in an awakening? Or my awakening anyway. Cause I don’t feel free a lot of times. Most times it doesn’t bother me, but at times it does.
I went to make my post about my dance goals and at the end I went to add an emoji, thought rocket, then I smiled so I clicked the smile emoji it was blocked. Click a different emoji, blocked again, decided to go back to the rocket and it posted to I hit submit.
Am I free to post whatever I want? No.
Happens with images, happens with music, happens on both twitter and FB.Is it a good thing or bad thing?
I dunno, sometimes I feel like my mind has just become a slave in a different way.I’m not having nearly as much fun as I did in Florida last year. The weather is contributing to it. But, I also think I have less balance in my life. Heart isn’t as involved, waiting for spirit to move me cause I don’t want it to get blocked, less fun and joyful things as extra curricular activities. I’m also worried a bit more about spending too much.
Feeling a little lost. I spent multiple weeks in different places where all I did was swim and sunbath as my activity right in the resort. I haven’t had that luxury as the weather hasn’t been cooperative. During those weeks I was happy as a clam and wasn’t spending much at all other than the campground. Rainy, cloudy, cold days the options are stay in or spend to go places. Cost 60 bucks just to get to the beach and back to take this picture.
Do I like it? Yes. What did I learn? A guys story. Did it help me? Gave me something to write about I guess. Privately, not publicly, cause that’s the way the wind blows.
But, I could have done that for a lot less. In fact, could have done it for free… almost, still had to pay for the campground. I’m gonna do that right now.
Heal her, healer.
I repeated those words on my drive back to NJ. Posted them to myself in my private group as well.
Looks amazing.
I bet it’s super cheap to rent a boat too. I asked at the last campground and it was 400 for the day. I haven’t driven a boat in a long time. Used take a whaler out with my sisters as a teenager. Was always the captain 😀 Haven’t driven one since then though. But, it’s probably like riding a bike and it will come back. I only ran into a dock once and that was only cause the buoy got wedged. behind the gear shift and I couldn’t reverse.
Did have one incident when I decided it was a great day to go into the ocean. The seas were higher than the boat. We were ok going out riding with the waves, on the way back though we were taking on water and the waves were going over our heads. So, that wasn’t a great idea to try, but coast guard was close by if anything happened. They drove right by us, probably wondering what 3 girls, guess we were about 13-14, were doing out there in the first place.
Joined the FB group.
They schedule meet ups which would be awesome. The couple that runs it have been RV’ing in Baja since 2019.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/rvingbajaOnly thing left in memories are text posts
A kingdoms of Camelot post.
And a high school reunion post.
He also swore off dating women ever again. He just has his son and that’s all he needs.
<div class=”w-full text-token-text-primary” data-testid=”conversation-turn-4″>
<div class=”px-4 py-2 justify-center text-base md:gap-6 m-auto”>
<div class=”flex flex-1 text-base mx-auto gap-3 md:px-5 lg:px-1 xl:px-5 md:max-w-3xl lg:max-w-[40rem] xl:max-w-[48rem] group”>
<div class=”relative flex w-full flex-col lg:w-[calc(100%-115px)]”>
<div class=”flex-col gap-1 md:gap-3″>
<div class=”flex flex-grow flex-col max-w-full”>
<div class=”min-h-[20px] text-message flex flex-col items-start gap-3 whitespace-pre-wrap break-words [.text-message+&]:mt-5 overflow-x-auto” data-message-author-role=”user” data-message-id=”aaa2333f-556e-4bb2-a1c8-50c469c67cd9″>
<div class=””></div>
</div>
</div>
<div class=”mt-1 flex justify-start gap-3 empty:hidden”>
<div class=”text-gray-400 flex self-end lg:self-center justify-center lg:justify-start mt-0 -ml-1 visible”>
<div class=”flex items-center gap-1.5 text-xs”></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class=”w-full text-token-text-primary” data-testid=”conversation-turn-5″>
<div class=”px-4 py-2 justify-center text-base md:gap-6 m-auto”>
<div class=”flex flex-1 text-base mx-auto gap-3 md:px-5 lg:px-1 xl:px-5 md:max-w-3xl lg:max-w-[40rem] xl:max-w-[48rem] group final-completion”>
<div class=”flex-shrink-0 flex flex-col relative items-end”>
<div>
<div class=”pt-0.5″>
<div class=”gizmo-shadow-stroke flex h-6 w-6 items-center justify-center overflow-hidden rounded-full”>
<div class=”relative p-1 rounded-sm h-9 w-9 text-white flex items-center justify-center”>
<div class=”w-full text-token-text-primary” data-testid=”conversation-turn-4″>
<div class=”px-4 py-2 justify-center text-base md:gap-6 m-auto”>
<div class=”flex flex-1 text-base mx-auto gap-3 md:px-5 lg:px-1 xl:px-5 md:max-w-3xl lg:max-w-[40rem] xl:max-w-[48rem] group”>
<div class=”relative flex w-full flex-col lg:w-[calc(100%-115px)]”>
<div class=”flex-col gap-1 md:gap-3″>
<div class=”flex flex-grow flex-col max-w-full”>
<div class=”min-h-[20px] text-message flex flex-col items-start gap-3 whitespace-pre-wrap break-words [.text-message+&]:mt-5 overflow-x-auto” data-message-author-role=”user” data-message-id=”aaa2333f-556e-4bb2-a1c8-50c469c67cd9″>
<div class=””>what is that in miles per hour</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class=”mt-1 flex justify-start gap-3 empty:hidden”>
<div class=”text-gray-400 flex self-end lg:self-center justify-center lg:justify-start mt-0 -ml-1 visible”>
<div class=”flex items-center gap-1.5 text-xs”></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class=”w-full text-token-text-primary” data-testid=”conversation-turn-5″>
<div class=”px-4 py-2 justify-center text-base md:gap-6 m-auto”>
<div class=”flex flex-1 text-base mx-auto gap-3 md:px-5 lg:px-1 xl:px-5 md:max-w-3xl lg:max-w-[40rem] xl:max-w-[48rem] group final-completion”>
<div class=”flex-shrink-0 flex flex-col relative items-end”>
<div>
<div class=”pt-0.5″>
<div class=”gizmo-shadow-stroke flex h-6 w-6 items-center justify-center overflow-hidden rounded-full”>
<div class=”relative p-1 rounded-sm h-9 w-9 text-white flex items-center justify-center”>ChatGPT</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class=”relative flex w-full flex-col lg:w-[calc(100%-115px)] agent-turn”>
<div class=”flex-col gap-1 md:gap-3″>
<div class=”flex flex-grow flex-col max-w-full”>
<div class=”min-h-[20px] text-message flex flex-col items-start gap-3 whitespace-pre-wrap break-words [.text-message+&]:mt-5 overflow-x-auto” data-message-author-role=”assistant” data-message-id=”62d25ab6-84f0-490b-adff-c918176249e2″>
<div class=”markdown prose w-full break-words dark:prose-invert dark”>To convert kilometers per second to miles per hour, you can use the conversion factor 1 kilometer = 0.621371 miles and 1 hour = 3600 seconds.
<span class=”math math-inline”><span class=”katex”><span class=”katex-mathml”>173,144.98 km/s×0.621371 miles/km×3600 seconds/hour</span><span class=”katex-html” aria-hidden=”true”><span class=”base”><span class=”mord”>173</span><span class=”mpunct”>,</span><span class=”mord”>144.98</span><span class=”mord text”><span class=”mord”>km/s</span></span><span class=”mbin”>×</span></span><span class=”base”><span class=”mord”>0.621371</span><span class=”mord text”><span class=”mord”>miles/km</span></span><span class=”mbin”>×</span></span><span class=”base”><span class=”mord”>3600</span><span class=”mord text”><span class=”mord”>seconds/hour</span></span></span></span></span></span>
Calculating this, the speed of light is approximately <span class=”math math-inline”><span class=”katex”><span class=”katex-mathml”>1.08×109</span><span class=”katex-html” aria-hidden=”true”><span class=”base”><span class=”mord”>1.08</span><span class=”mbin”>×</span></span><span class=”base”><span class=”mord”>1</span><span class=”mord”>0(to the <span class=”msupsub”><span class=”vlist-t”><span class=”vlist-r”><span class=”vlist”><span class=”sizing reset-size6 size3 mtight”><span class=”mord mtight”>9th)</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span>miles per hour.
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
Why is this even important?
No clue. But, that was my take away from yesterday.Just friended my step-sister on FB. Haven’t spoken with her but a few sentences since my mom and step-dad split. Not my doing though, her decision. When we were growing up she used to call us her wicked steps sisters. She was like a year or so older than me +2 for Camille. When Ski took his heart ache he didn’t want my mom or us around. Kicked us out of the hospital room via Shannon. She was more than willing to do so. My sister was ready to brawl with her right in the emergency room over it.
Anyway, as we were growing up we had plenty of fun times, Shannon did get sea sick a lot though. Ski got an Ocean yacht, my mom had him paint it in pink. So it kind of looked like this color scheme but not this design. Maybe a tad bit pinker.
The whaler sat on the front of it. Ski would bring it down for us to go play on. We would use it to cruise around and go crabbing, which I’d like to do again. He used to take us out on the big boat to fish. Sometimes bay fishing for things like flounder, but took us ocean fishing too for blues and I remember even catching a drum fish one time. That was huge and made a lot of noise.
A couple of winters we drove it across from Florida to the Bahamas. Had fun there too. That was they brought us with them though, so only a couple years of that but they were good years.
I was thinking I might go on a fishing trip while in Texas. I’ll see how it plays out weather wise.
Just an fyi, I don’t really take much of the religion stuff seriously. I’ve explored different religions, more so trying to understand them, or the people following them. For awhile I did think it was something I was supposed to do, find a religion that suited me. But at the end of the day, I just really want to live a happy, healthy, and prosperous life. They all have their pros and cons, just like everything else in the world.
