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7 yrs
That was another thing that was cool about going to those museums yesterday. Free parking and free admission on Mondays
11 yrs ago
I’m running on 5 -6 hrs right now. Had me pretty grumpy when I got up. Have another long drive today. I don’t usually need 8
11 yrs ago
A post I made in the BDTU group. I was teaching them how to make memes for their pages. Made this one as an example. Just taking the picture and adding the words.
Which happened yesterday, and that led to a bit of a spiral.
1 yr ago – My trip to Sugarloaf and my photos from my campground arrival.
It was much warmer! It’s 22 degrees where I am right now.
It was sunny all week. Had a couple 80 degree days in there.
So here’s what happened…
On the ride up to Flatcreek, I was feeling great. I was proud of myself for getting past my self conscious stage and putting my pics up and not worrying about it. I was then thinking about all these guys posting before and after pics on FB. They are trying to sell people on programs they themselves have never needed or used. Then I got to thinking about how my cuz hasn’t responded to anything so far. And then I thought, well maybe I’m supposed to post myself publicly next, thinking about how things rolled out on Twitter.
Pulled into Flatcreek, saw it was located in Chattihoochie. My sister uses the term Hoochie Mama a lot when she’s cheering you on. So I thought well maybe that’s why I’m here, to launch operation Hoochie Mama, post my before pics to the world and have the world be my accountability partner. I spent a good amount of time psyching myself up so I could do it. Thinking about all the diet pictures I’ve seen, other women that have posted their pics. Thought maybe if I did that, I could get my cuz to get the confidence to post privately.
Got here, and I was ready. Opened my laptop, and nothing would load. Blocked from going on twitter and FB. Thought ok, well timing is everything so I’ll get some other stuff done. Went and took a nice hot shower. Had some image flashes, only one I remember though is a wooden fence painted black with a white Butterly painted on it.
Last thing I’m going say is that still no pictures posted from my cuz. Maybe the posts I made today will help with that. Makes me a little sad cause we said we were gonna be accountability partners. I’ll keep posting though. All the pictures of me I posted to her as well.
8 yrs ago
I went out to eat. Had a flatbread as an appetizer.
My boobs def looked bigger than my belly there.
So I went through the different times I said mean things to people and just blurted them out (that I can remember).
When I was about 6 I was up playing on the third floor of our house in the city. I got this urge to get up and scream down the steps, I hate you mom. She just said OK. Then I sat down and thought about it, and said that’s not true, so I went back and screamed down again, I didn’t mean it.
– As a side note, my mom said I love you first on the phone on the drive yesterday for the first time in I don’t know how long.
Once when I was walking up my drive way with my sister I said to her, “Im only hanging around with you because nobody else is around”. I really hurt her that day. I had no idea why I said it cause it wasn’t true.
– Jessica asked my sister a few days ago if they’d be friends if they were the same age. She told her absolutely not, there’s nothing about her or my mom that she’d want to be friends with. That’s a really mean thing to say to your daughter. She said she’d only see herself being friends with Michael because he had similar interests.
– I was also thinking about how shitty that would have felt for you if she did take off and didn’t let you know or see your child. My sister went through that and it was a horribly painful experience for her. She went through the majority of her high school years without any contact at all cause Jess’ dad wasn’t creating or enabling? the situation. He had said for years that when she got older Jess would come live with him that Camille and Jess wouldn’t get along. So he said he wasn’t going to make her.
– So now I’m back on Camille, and why would she say that to her now that Jess is back in her life? Why not find ways to bond with her instead of pointing out the things she doesn’t like?
Another time I said to a kid at a banquet dinner pretty much out of the blue, we’d all appreciate it if you’d chew with your mouth closed. He wasn’t chewing with his mouth open though. I was really embarrassed I said that and still don’t know why.
The worst one happened with my friend.
Came back to the RV still in a really good mood. Kinda bubbly in the brain. Started getting dressed and went to dry my hair. Had some amusing thoughts that popped and was laughing at them. Then started saying “she took the kid and left” a couple of times, it was in a little sing songy kind of way.
Then I had an image flash of the family first photo. Then I remember what I thought when I first saw it, that you weren’t together. Then off my mind went. Is that what happened? She took the younger boy and took off? Then I thought about you bring up your boys, then I thought about the little wiz post about just wanting to know if there’s a heart beat. And then I felt really really bad.
Took the dogs for a walk and saw the sun setting over the fenced pool like the picture that popped the other day. Was running through my various posts about things I’ve said and feeling worse.
The started getting pretty down on myself for various things that come from my mouth sometimes around people that I walk away from the encounter “why would I say that????”
11 yrs ago
So what’s the next step? Cause I’m still not going to say I’m your wife no matter how many times you say it in those spaces. I deserve a real first date and a real first kiss, that’s the next step.
I did some investigative research yesterday and today on beauty standards of yesterday vs today.
I’m her.
But not just her. I’ve been through almost all of the body sizes in those pictures I posted from my museum visit.
Just a bunch of kingdoms of Camelot posts for the 14 yr mark.
Plus text at the 15
“is getting sleepy”
“is procrastinating”
Which is funny cause I was thinking a bit ago how I wanted to go take a nap.
So this is my start photo.
My goal is still just to feel good and sexy in my own skin. So I do have some more work to do but here’s where I’m at. Across the nipples measurement is 44. So my waist isn’t where I want it to be, smaller than boobs from every angel. But that’s ok. When I did the calculation in gpt im currently at 33 and change, not that I care much about that. I just want my belly smaller than boobs. :D. Not exactly true, I want to feel good when I look in the mirror sideways. No idea what those numbers will look like, but in my mind that’s a sticky point. Hour glassy from the front would be cool too.
<div class=”xdj266r x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs x126k92a”>
<div dir=”auto”>Measurements 1/14/24</div>
</div>
<div class=”x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a”>
<div dir=”auto”>Under boobs: 39.75</div>
<div dir=”auto”>Waist: 41</div>
<div dir=”auto”>RT: 23.75</div>
<div dir=”auto”>Lt: 24.25</div>
</div>
As I was deciding what to wear yesterday
XL shirt size 14 jeans.
I can’t judge progress by top size though. The boobs don’t fit in a lot of tops so I size up which makes the clothes baggier. Pants I can track though. I have a funny story about that from last summer
I’ve been feeling pretty unorganized with the wardrobe in the RV. The swing in the weather plus the swing in clothes sizes, I can’t put away stuff. Last summer was a little easier in that regard, just summer weather so I could just use those clothes to see what was happening.
I decided I was only going to buy new clothes only once it was necessary. So as I was losing weight my clothes were getting loser, but didn’t care. I wore em anyway just let them be baggy.
So one day I was walking the dogs. I was wearing short and a T. I had a leash in each hand. Then Suki decided to run across the shirt and drug me with her. However, Chloe didn’t want to go so I had both arms stretched out in two different directions by the surprise lunge Suki did. My legs too, in kind of like a V.
That’s when my shorts decided to fall down around my knees. So there I was, in the middle of the campground street with my pants down. Couldn’t even pull them up cause of the dogs going in two different directions. I just started laughing.
And decided it was time to buy a pair of new shorts.
Had a very nice time with Holly last night. Super sweet lady. We went to a Sushi restaurant. I got a roll that had yellowtail and tuna to try it. I have no idea which was which though. I liked my dinner, except for the spicy sauce they gave me. All of their rolls came with the flame, it was a pretty display.
We figured it out, it’s been 33 years since we’ve seen each other. She worked at the studio for a year then moved to a corporate job. She met her husband shortly thereafter she was 20. They have 3 kids together, youngest is 14. Her eldest learned welding, and just finished his schooling. Hasn’t found a job yet though but it’s only been a week.
She goes along and gets along. I did ask her if she was happy, she just said “Im good”. She said he’s a functioning alcoholic and emotionally unavailable. She tells him her stories and he never remembers cause he’s drunk. She said she’s used to it now, just does her own thing and meets up with girlfriends when she can. That’s also how she justifies it, said none of her friends are in good relationships. She supports their family. He got into an accident at work which did something to his shoulder and now is disabled.
She’s renting and looking for a home to buy. She’s considering getting a real estate license so she can find it herself. Just got down to Sarasota in August. She said being there is the best she felt in years. All the green and trees. They still have their home in NJ which she plans to sell. She must be doing OK for herself, her rent is 2200 a month. When she got down to FL she just told him she’s moving there and he had the option to stay in NJ or not, but she was going. He went.
Talked about the RV lifestyle a bit. She said she thought about it but was a little worried about living in one. She asked if I was afraid to drive it. I told her at first, but learned and you get used to it.
And this is the picture I freaked out about. I felt like I looked huge compared to the others. I know its a different angel, but I want to feel good at that angle too.
I’m one with the dolphin though, we both have a layer of fat. She needs hers though. I don’t need it. Maybe it’s reflective of my insulative tendencies. Guard up and guard down? It ties in somehow, that’s all I know.
So did I pre-program myself to want to take a nap? I think I read that before I took the dogs for a walk and decided I was tired.
Also, I got woken up at 2:02 this morning by the dog. If that was you sorry I didn’t get up. I was tired and didn’t know if it was real or not.
Was excited to see this post yesterday. Seems it went a little viral. People liked the bunnies 😀
Another thing I’m really happy about, FB does ding my phone when people like it. Didn’t get notifications either so I guess they were mostly non-friends. I’m thankful for that, cause 500+ dings would suck. I like when they come in strategically.
Really like when I see yours too 🙂
https://www.facebook.com/roxanne.ardary/videos/1571212200083452/
