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3 yrs
Chloe running around having a blast in the snow when a nor’easter hit.
1 yr
My Sea World adventures
I was really upset when I left Cali. I thought I had wasted my time reenacting all my dreams. But I’m Ok with it all. Nailed the re-wrap too 😀
Been thinking my nose looks bigger than it ever did in the past in some of these photos. Was thinking about my sisters back up plan and when she got on FB couldn’t find the date though. Checked yours too, and couldn’t see it, but ended seeing your checkins.
Saw on one of your check ins that you went to a Bacara Hotel, which I clicked on. It has a header at the top for septal deviation. I got diagnosed with that when I was a kid. Got punched in the nose by my nephew who was a year or two older than me. It was before my father died so I guess I was 3 or 4. They said that’s why I got the nosebleeds all the time. Never did anything about it and they went away on their own.
Did get me thinking about how sometimes when women get together their periods sync up. Moons lining up together?
Playing the field is popping.
Saving eggs for a rainy day.
Why would all females have the same period times anyway? We’re all different and have different roles to play.
You know, a lot of this that I’ve posted helped me get my confidence back. But I don’t feel good about it. I still think most of the painful parts could have been avoided.
I think of my sister who’s had husbands cheat on her, steal from her, remove her kids from her life, and the last thing she needs is an awakening that just makes all of that worse.
I don’t even know if it’s in the cards for her, but if it is I want it to be beautiful from start into forever. I don’t want her to go through any more love triangles, nor have the self worth she rebuilt destroyed. It should help get over her bitterness but keep love in her heart so she learns to see the magic and not feel lost in the wilderness.
She’ll have me though. Her crazy sister that fell off her rocker and became a world traveler. She’ll have me though and Jess, the ready made baby girl who’s well on her way. She’s also been on FB, so hopefully the hair runs in the family and she has a rock solid back up plan in place. I’ll be here to fill in the gaps as well.
My aunt came back on fb too the other day.
I sent this song to my mom last night. We used to sing it when I was little. Thought she might smile and start singing it. Especially after the dildo pic I posted if she sees it, she not gonna be too fond of that one.
I did perform this song at a number of the USO I sang at. My mom used to sing at them all the time when she was young. They flew her to Iceland to perform too. https://www.uso.org/entertainment
1 yr
Changed my FB cover
https://www.facebook.com/roxanne.ardary/posts/524259773169975:524259773169975
This reminded me of the dream I had when we were standing on the bus and I eletricuted the whole city, then focused on the guy in the arm chair. I thought it was bad at the time, but I now understand that we are all connected that way and we all needed zaps to the heart.
After the ding dong the witch is dead words I had a chain of thoughts. My first thought was that we closed that chapter of the story and we’re moving on. You know, a lot of those pictures on the profile I thought were faked. Not like they weren’t real people but the scenes didn’t seem real to me. Staged. Except for one, I did think she was really into you at one point. Cause it’s not like I don’t think you had a past, and could very well have been married. I did panic during that chain thinking omg did she really die? Then I got past that too.
During the Flatcreek announcement I made I did also think maybe it’s cause I was talking about boobs, and then the red bathing suit popped into my mind. The I thought maybe he likes bigger boobs and that’s part of why I got them. Little wiz made a post about big watermelons before.
As I was making the posts I was thinking I just keep stabbing in the dark with this. And then a post of Chucky popped.
When I went to the circus I was surprised there wasn’t anything on the lion tamers. The only lion was a picture on the cart. I was actually surprised about a lot of that museum and the lack of historical artifacts. It was very small considering the history of the circus. I just decided my brain was like a circus, cause it just bounces between the show rings.
Yesterday, right after I got upset about you losing your child, I had some pictures pop of a mom and a daughter. And I thought about you stealing my baby carriage, then I thought that would be cool if I had yours.
The a mom with two kids popped this morning, both girls. Are we sexually confusing our children ????
So seems the Mickey Mouse theme wasn’t over since you posted the mouse. Was it on the moon or in the moon?
Either way, I got the match right here at Flatcreek. Light as a feather and stiff as a board.
That reminded me of the time in the begging at the shore where I thought I was communicating with my mom’s spirit. It was towards the end of my shore months and my memory is very foggy of that time period. But I was having a full conversation with the future spirit of my my mother who died, even though she was alive and recovering from cancer. You were even in the conversation. I remember a dream about us sitting at a table and you were hosting the session. And I asked if you could communicate with the dead, and you said at times. I was very happy you were there with us and was telling her how you had me get a man’s watch, in a “I’m telling my mom on you” kinda way.
It’s all kind of fragmented.
Afterwards though I walked and sorted my thoughts. I was thinking how much easier it was to speak with her that way. Then I panicked. Am I wishing my mom was dead?? Am I wishing I was dead? I don’t want that for either of us. I want a better relationship. Something about being a burden was mixed in and I thought that was what I was projecting onto her, and it may have also been why I didn’t want to call my sister and ask her if I could stay there.
My friends name is Diana. She was an agent in the same office as I was. We were hanging at my house and she was venting about her kids. Her son was really depressed and she was very worried about him and her daughter was very manic. The daughter constantly screaming she was going to kill herself and she didn’t know how to fix her situation.
I said call her bluff, hand her a rope and tell her there’s a tree.
She just got quiet and stared out the window and didn’t say a word. After she left I was really upset I said that.
A couple months go by, we talked on the phone every morning at like 5 or 6 am. I call her like I usually did and she was hysterical. Her son had hung himself in her basement with a rope on a rafter and she had just found him.
I had my own mental breakdown at that moment. I had been wanting to move my license and now I had a huge embarrassment facing her. My mom and step-dad were divorcing and I was dealing with that as well. While she was out of the office I decided it was time for me to move. So I did.
I still stayed in touch with her though and tried to help her through it. I found a psychic that said she could contact the spirits of the dead. So I brought her there. It turned out that she had also lost her son to suicide and I thought they could bond. Which they seemed to. I don’t remember much of the convo except that the psychic told her that she knows when he’s around because the radio music stops and static comes through. Shortly thereafter Diana was telling me how every time she goes by her house the radio turns to static. That did make me feel better. Especially since when I initially invited her to the psychic, her family was poo-pooing the idea saying they were a fraud. So I was very worried I would embarrass myself again.
Came back to the RV still in a really good mood. Kinda bubbly in the brain. Started getting dressed and went to dry my hair. Had some amusing thoughts that popped and was laughing at them. Then started saying “she took the kid and left” a couple of times, it was in a little sing songy kind of way.
Then I had an image flash of the family first photo. Then I remember what I thought when I first saw it, that you weren’t together. Then off my mind went. Is that what happened? She took the younger boy and took off? Then I thought about you bring up your boys, then I thought about the little wiz post about just wanting to know if there’s a heart beat. And then I felt really really bad.
Took the dogs for a walk and saw the sun setting over the fenced pool like the picture that popped the other day. Was running through my various posts about things I’ve said and feeling worse.
The started getting pretty down on myself for various things that come from my mouth sometimes around people that I walk away from the encounter “why would I say that????”
So I went through the different times I said mean things to people and just blurted them out (that I can remember).
When I was about 6 I was up playing on the third floor of our house in the city. I got this urge to get up and scream down the steps, I hate you mom. She just said OK. Then I sat down and thought about it, and said that’s not true, so I went back and screamed down again, I didn’t mean it.
– As a side note, my mom said I love you first on the phone on the drive yesterday for the first time in I don’t know how long.
Once when I was walking up my drive way with my sister I said to her, “Im only hanging around with you because nobody else is around”. I really hurt her that day. I had no idea why I said it cause it wasn’t true.
– Jessica asked my sister a few days ago if they’d be friends if they were the same age. She told her absolutely not, there’s nothing about her or my mom that she’d want to be friends with. That’s a really mean thing to say to your daughter. She said she’d only see herself being friends with Michael because he had similar interests.
– I was also thinking about how shitty that would have felt for you if she did take off and didn’t let you know or see your child. My sister went through that and it was a horribly painful experience for her. She went through the majority of her high school years without any contact at all cause Jess’ dad wasn’t creating or enabling? the situation. He had said for years that when she got older Jess would come live with him that Camille and Jess wouldn’t get along. So he said he wasn’t going to make her.
– So now I’m back on Camille, and why would she say that to her now that Jess is back in her life? Why not find ways to bond with her instead of pointing out the things she doesn’t like?
Another time I said to a kid at a banquet dinner pretty much out of the blue, we’d all appreciate it if you’d chew with your mouth closed. He wasn’t chewing with his mouth open though. I was really embarrassed I said that and still don’t know why.
The worst one happened with my friend.
11 yrs ago
A post I made in the BDTU group. I was teaching them how to make memes for their pages. Made this one as an example. Just taking the picture and adding the words.
Which happened yesterday, and that led to a bit of a spiral.
15 yrs
Having our get together. Wasn’t into the picture thing. I do try to remember now whenever I meet people. I feel bad if I forget to.
