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2 yrs ago today we took my mom out to celebrate her beating cancer.
It was also the heaviest point, probably in my life. I beat myself up a bit, but I’m definitely better than I was. Also, that steak dinner was damn tasty.
The jealousy on my ex’s part got me thinking. His behavior towards me completely changed as we got closer to the wedding. Very controlling and verbally abusive. I had given him my heart and dreams and he did the exact opposite of what he needed to do to keep them. He turned to whips and chains, instead of settling in to that happy medium. Communication being key to resolving differences.
Is it possible he saw a possible or “the” timeline of me leaving and operated out of fear instead of from his heart? What would make me stay and what would cause me to go? How do the rose wars factor into this? Nothing he did stopped it, so what was the point? If anything it just made me leave faster.
The hard way or easy way?
He tried to stop me from communicating with my family. They still came to the rescue.
He tried to cut me off from all of our finances, didn’t matter, I had control of the credit cards and the house, he ended up getting cut off and out of the picture.
Keep me on lockdown? Found and escape route.Even with all that, he was still left in a better position than when we met. I helped him find a lucrative career and used our wedding money to pay off his debt.
So what did I learn?
I should have listened to the red flags? Seen them a bunch of times and yet I keep coming back here.
Mentally I want to say fuck all of this, and then my heart cries.I started doing father daughter dances yesterday. I wrote about some of them on FB. Dad gave me a shoulder to lean on. Wasn’t crying then though, even had a pretty cool first happen.
God the father and god the son.
God Almighty a collective effort.When I read this on your instagram I burst into tears. For awhile now I’ve had these thoughts creeping in that you meant soulmates just metaphorically the heart and mind. But this said humans, and people so it made me think you do actually believe it’s possible to have an amazing love story with someone.
I’m remembering this morning when you made a Soulmates post. It was not long before our flying fish exchange. And I remember thinking, wow what an odd post for him to make. I didn’t believe in soulmates, never even thought about it in that way. None of your other posts that I had read were along those lines either so it wasn’t a concept I had even given much consideration.
Then I remember, I don’t know if it was days or a week later, might have even been the day after for that matter, you made another post with a picture that said “when you find what you are looking for, you fall in love”
I had a similar reaction, out of the norm for him. I was used to all of your energy and bitcoin posts with some architecture and landscape scenes mixed in, business too. VC’s and the like. Then I remember both times you immediately posted something else back on track.
Obviously both left enough of an imprint that I still remember them, even though they just confused me at the time.
Apparently there’s a gender gap in orgasms too
11 yrs
I did want to get into toe shoes. My mom wouldn’t let me though, she said they’d ruin my feet. Ended stopping ballet and jazz not long after that because my grand parents died and we went to boarding school.
So I was debating if I should post the FB memories anymore. I tried writing in some explanations on Twitter for them but didn’t really get any feedback so not thinking it’s worth it. Im still confused why I had to spend so much time on twitter for it to be just pictures. Other than for it to be Brian to be blue and Roxanne to be red. So then I decided I guess it might trigger something for you to say. But don’t know if you’re reading this, cause of the 8 days backlog. We back to just the birds? And that’s another thing, if these are zapping you that’s not my intention. At first when they came up I was happy to see I made my own way before the profile pictures zapped me something awful. And, I don’t want to do that to anybody else, especially you. So if you get the pinchers I’m sorry, that part is out of my hands.
After the money pieces comment, I remembered how Q used to say the future proves past and how the locations unlock the map. So that’s why I’m going to still post them, even if I worry about it at times.
11 yrs
“Off to bed, and I’m leaving you with this beautiful photo of a town in Austria. Photo Credit: ©Marco Stolle”
11 yrs
tag line: “Yes or No… The Ultimate Man Cave?”
It’s kind of like what the basement looked like in the log cabin house. It did have another bedroom and full bath in it for Nelu, Flavi’s step father. They slept in two separate bedrooms at their house. So she got the in-law suite with full kitchen, and he would have gotten the basement for his rec room. It had a walk out door too so he could have his own in and out door. He has since left Flavi’s mom. She was really mean to him all the time. Then last spring he packed his bags for a visit back to Romania. The mom was supposed to go with, then said she wasn’t going because she was sick of him. He left, never called, and hasn’t come back. She’s since moved into the mother in-law suite.
At the restaurant last night I had escargot. First time I had it in years. Was chatting with my sister and I think the last time I ate may have been when I went on the cruises with the dance studio. One of which got caught in a hurricane, the whole ship was sick.
Also had something called poke last night. A friend on FB suggested it when I posted the menu from the Key West restaurant and it was on the menu. Was delicious. They served it with some sort of waifers which id din’t eat. Filled up on the bread.
Im thinking about the bread my cousin keeps making, he’s the brother that my cuz thinks is autistic. He’s been on a quest to learn to make bread. While I was talking to her I told her that could be a subconscious reenactment of what Jesus did, since he was religious.
Raw tacos popped, but was already intending on trying the poke. Didn’t have an urge for tacos. The unlock?
Back when I was with Rich and it was that time of the month he used to want to do this side by side thing while watching girl on girl porn. I used a vibrator on top of clothes. I’d go into the picture but would never do any of them. But I did go along with the theme of it, and let one of them go down on me. A tongue’s, a tongue, a tongue, right?
That’s what she said.
We sure are a nervy bunch. But, neither vagnus hits the tickle spot. I’d still like to know the scientific explanation for that. They don’t run above the ear.
She/he also looks like she has an eye drawn in her nose
6 yrs ago
An open house ad
9 yrs ago
A share from someone else to my page an app to make the character for yourself
The yellow innocence is a funny sync 🙂
Raw emotions are kinda hard to handle at times. Takes me a bit to digest my feelings and process them all.
Yesterday was an interesting day, lots of twist and turns along the way. Bouncing between being happy and sad, hopeful and then down and out.
I’m in a good mood at the moment. Had Chloe out for a nice walk. We took a short nap and when she woke up she looked so bright eyed and bushy tailed. Her ears were standing straight up too, they dipped when I went to get the camera.
That vinyl / plastic looking screen in the back is the window screen I use to keep the light out in the campgrounds at night. Sometimes they are so bright you can’t sleep. My mom got it for the front windshield but it didn’t fit. They are bendable so I use them in the bedroom and juggle them around to the windows that need it.
Anyway I walked her just by herself and she lasted a good long time considering. She wouldn’t chase the ball but a couple times. She just wanted to wander look and sniff. Which was fine, she was moving. Her hips did give way at the end so I brought her back and got Suki out for a bit.
She was howling like a banshee when we left. So she was happy to get the ball. Did some pop up catches with her. I’m hopeful as she gets older she won’t be so fearful around other dogs and we can do more together. She gets freaked and thinks everything is a war zone even though her tail wags. She’s been attacked a few times so she’s got her defenses up even though she wants to play.
1 yr gators
pfbid0JomTNtixgK4knESRhBczcNvBjC8xWQ3bWTGkddqjtdtu26m5JGRqzs9eSLjK2LTxl
And this keeps landing on the SEO testing goals post when I hit reply
I’m not having a great morning.
I’m feeling like I want to leave this island. There’s not much to do here if the weather isn’t nice. Lots of places to eat and drink, not much else as far as indoor activities. The Epcot center vid popped and that’s what it reminds me of. If it was sunny and warm all week I could have spent my days at the pool or gone to the beach. But, it’s been windy, Rainey or foggy a lot of the days. Snagged that one day of Sun and went exploring the southern tip of the island.
I will say I think my trip last year was really blessed with great weather for almost the entire time. In a weird way I’m blessed this time too, cause I’ve dodged some serious bullets. I was headed out when some major storms came in a few places, and it is definitely better weathering any storms in warmer weather than up where it’s cold.
Supposed to have some sun this afternoon. I may finally get some pool time in. Only got in the hot tub once so far. There was a group of people in there. Was kind of a strange conversation. Seemed everyone wanted to share their RV stories, and everybody had already been to the same places. Dogs and Deserts a common theme. One couple was pretty monopolizing of the conversation. We got their entire itinerary for everything they have done to everywhere they were going. Nobody asked though. If someone started their story, they’d kind of one up it with one of theirs. Nobody asked each other questions. Most just nodded and listened. One by one the couples just got up and left till the chatty couple were the only ones left by themselves. Talking at vs with other people creates a weird energy. Free flow of ideas gets stunted. A competition for air time.
I tested it on another couple. They stopped me to ask me about my dogs, told me about their Shepherds that had passed. People seeing Chloe struggling to get around brings out the sad stories they have. Kind of sucks hearing them cause every day I try not to cry about her condition ad it continues to worsen. Then they tell me how their dog died and most times Im standing there holding back tears and listening to them. They feel my pain? I don’t want them to. I would like them to tell me what helped their dog ease their pain. What worked to help them get around? What gave them energy or lifted their spirits? Something to give me hope, rather than sealing her fate even if they think the outcome is inevitable.
Anyway Palm Springs has been the hot topic here. Everybody keeps bringing it up. Somehow our conversation got switched to it. So I just volunteered details about the place I stayed and the hot springs pools they had. They just stopped talking and said, sounds nice, and walked away.
Funny thing is I couldn’t even remember the name of the place I stayed. I just remember I met a new friend and invited him to my Goddesses Unite group. We met at the pool and hung out and chatted for awhile. He was young, in his 20’s I’d think, we got to chatting about some esoteric types of things. He had gotten himself into some drug issues in the past and was trying to help others get through there’s. I just remember telling him about how he didn’t need them to get into the dream state. He could have his own revelations just by using active imagination. He took me to a restaurant so I could grab something to eat since I didn’t have a car, he was very into eating a low carb diet. Met up with a friend of his that was coming in from another town and they were going back to the hot tubs. Things got a little weird with the friend there. I went to the hot tubs to meet up with them. I wanted to hear the friends stories about the kids he was helping. and then the friend kept making suggestions about hooking up with the guy. Then the guy’s mom showed up and started talking about how he had a fiancé. Checks and balances.
2 yr
Covid post
“After evaluating the Court’s decision, OSHA is withdrawing the Vaccination and Testing ETS as an enforceable emergency temporary standard.”
As far as the SEO goes, not sure why linking it all together is needed for the birds. All our stuff seemed to use the airwaves. To help the minds see? But they aren’t following my stuff, only you, maybe.
Maybe showing the weave to the birds? No clue
My 1 yr membership to the Ah Ha Tiki Museum expired today. They never did send me my membership card, just gave me a temp one. Neither did NARM for that matter. The other museums let me in on trust though when I showed them the temp one.
I had lots of fun stories with the pictures of you (Brian) telling me where to go next. And that’s me (the LADY) and my inner child. That reminds me, the burn mark is mostly gone. Most be from my mostly raw diet.
That poke was good though. I’ll eat that more often. Love yummy firsts! Who’s idea was it? A combo platter! We have good interplay. Still would like it to be more than just pictures and inter webs.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sugar is sweet
Song pops are too.So yesterday I also asked my cousin and Jess if they wanted any audio books. These were their choices:
Karen asked for:
How to Kill Men and Get Away with It
The Do-Over
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1803146389?ref_=cm_sw_r_mwn_dp_J9WQSRM9BYHZDCSK26AH&language=en_USShe also said Emily, her daughter, got highlights in her hair yesterday. With “money pieces” in the front, golden locks.
I sent them both this one, not sure if it’s any good or if they’ll enjoy it but I liked the friends with the birds theme
https://www.audible.com/pd/Where-the-Crawdads-Sing-Audiobook/B07FSNSLZ1?ref_pageloadid=6KktEdN0wpk1sPa4&ref=a_account_g_c1_order_detail_pdp&pf_rd_p=9502042b-984e-4cee-a092-eccba9b8e1d9&pf_rd_r=V9KX0F0H1DZZYM2GRJZ4&pageLoadId=Tjm9ibbojQVSYcsM&creativeId=10575e14-acfc-44ef-8970-f0adedb68c98Jess said she heard of it before. She’s only asked for one so far, and it was the picture. I can’t get it in audio books though just Amazon. But I did send her the video that popped
1 yr also
I may have done a break for the girls twice today
11 yr
For the edible flowers I went with Nasturitums for my gardens. But I actually started growing them for my sisters gardens first because they had protection properties for the vegetable plants. They were the decoys to keep predators away.
Was just on the phone with my cousin. She asked me about Chloe and I told her a bit similar to what I already posted. Then she suggested wheelchairs and I started to cringe inside. I just tried to shut down the conversation and she kept on, she was saying how if it was her dog she’d try it it’s worth 100 bucks.
That reminded me of my conversation with my sister yesterday, who also had a suggestion about an over the shoulder sling to wrap around her abdomen. She brought it up two days ago and I kind of cut her off telling her I already have a sling that I’ve tried. She brought it up again and I got cringy and cut her off again saying the same thing. She got angry with me saying I won’t let her finish. I told her cause you aren’t telling me something I haven’t tried already. How do you know if you don’t let me finish ??? You keep saying your arm gets tired holding the handles so that tells me you aren’t putting it on your shoulder! Yes, Camille, that is true. Because I want to steady her hips, not pull her off balance to the side. Think of a purse and how it clings to your side. Maybe a laundry bag would have been a better example of the lopsided pull. Regardless, I keep my arm out so both feet are on the ground evenly. I can do it if she’s between my legs in front of me too.
So I had to go back and rethink the convo with Karen and why that made me react that way. And the reason it triggered is muscle atrophy. Everything says to keep her moving to help slow it down. She can’t walk long or fast but she’s at least using her legs. Sure, she may have an easier time if I put her in a wheelchair but that eliminates all muscle usage entirely. This whole time I’ve been trying to get her to use her legs.
Chloe has an ego too. She fell off when trying to jump up on the bed a couple times and stopped trying all together. For awhile there she’d back up and get a running start. Then switched to running just to the bed and stop. Fear? She didn’t get hurt that I could tell. Instinct? I don’t know. She does know that I’ll help her up. So did she stop trying? Or decide it was easier to work as a team?
When she falls and gets stuck she just sits and looks at me sometimes. Others she’ll flip around and pull herself out of it. There’s been times when she wanted to keep walking and refused to go in. I took her further on those days. Put Suki away and kept going. Lately being tugged in two different directions during the morning and night time potty walks. One fast and one slow, reminded me of my pants dropping. They both really have to go so I don’t want to separate them but walking them together is very challenging.
Not sure why these videos are in the top spots. I very much dislike them and they make me jump every time I see people get hurt.
