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This Facebook group keeps popping over the last two days.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/biosynergyhealth/permalink/2668328596732529
Here’s the thing with how this happened… I didn’t search, and hadn’t previously. Yet, when I opened my twitter page, it was perfectly placed to the exact time I first over came my fear of sharing my story. All by itself.
When I first wrote it, I wanted to save it. So I tried to copy and paste each post and pic in a word doc till I decided it was too much work and left. Thought I’d never see it again. And there it was all lined up.
A magical thing happened yesterday. The first story I wrote that I wanted to share.
Stumbled upon a #magical treehouse in the #Forest pic.twitter.com/8lbVSYePiG
— Roxanne Ardary 🌺 (@RoxanneA) August 9, 2022
That’s the part that gets me upset with myself. I didn’t need to write my story this way. So why did I? A million different emotional responses running through my head and I don’t want to discuss any of them right now. I will say this much though…
I’ve always been a person that will put my heart and soul into something I want to see come to fruition. As a friend, as a partner, as a lover, I could have gone in any direction. I’ve tried to rewrite the script, multiple times if I may add, to cut my loses and move on. I’m just brought right back again.
Every single picture that struck my fancy I went into. Dancing was and still is my favorite thing to do when I go into them.
Imagine #Dancing to your favorite #songs under the #moon and stars https://t.co/zgpkqFPPSk
— Roxanne Ardary 🌺 (@RoxanneA) August 9, 2022
This I go through a lot. I get out of it by shifting my focus onto something that I would find fun or make me laugh. I’ve also learned that people project their trauma’s onto you, so I try really hard not to take things personally so I don’t get into this state of depression again.
We’ve probably all been there, very few are willing to openly talk about it. Conditioned to stay silent. Learning to fight against the that was also very hard. I’d use my journaling to get it out, even if I found it embarrassing. Hit click and walk away and do something else so I wouldn’t stress over it.
My journaling wasn’t in private though. It was public so everyone could see. I thought maybe I could help someone else get over their fear of expressing themselves at the same time. That train of thought helped tremendously.
The play list
I’ve encountered a number of the alien vs predator battles. Luckily for me, in the end, the alien always won. Others, friends and family members, haven’t been as “lucky”. I suspect luck had very little to do with it though, I almost always followed my gut. The times I didn’t were much harder lessons to learn.
My friends are staying down the shore for the summer and have a really cute set up. I’ve thought about how to make an outdoor home feeling set up. Decided it wasn’t worth it for me, I don’t want to do all the work for setting it up and then taking it down again. I move around too much sometimes on a whim.
When the words don’t match the picture
Uber One sent me an ad with a guy with 2 fingers pointing up, one on each hand. Sometimes I wonder if they are sent to me just to trigger me or if there is something to do with the path.
Sexualizing Children
Took me a bit to trace why this was brought up. I had to try to revisit the age this happened. I was around 7 or 8 years old. My dogs kept peeing in the house so I decided I wanted to find out why. So I did it to, in the corner of bedroom on the carpet. I didn’t get an answer. When I came out of my thought process I was embarrassed and hoped nobody would find out. Obviously, that didn’t work out lol
Anyway, the question I was left with was why the one eye’d fox tie in?
Around that age was also the time I started getting called Foxy Roxy. This wasn’t happening from women, or school age children. It was coming from grown men. Relatives, the life guard at the pool, etc. I didn’t understand why they said that, and it didn’t make me comfortable. At the time I was a little showgirl, all costumed up singing and dancing, grandparents driving me around to the shows etc. I was having a grand old time with it, but those comments didn’t add up and didn’t instinctually feel. I couldn’t understand why they choose that, even though it rhymed. It never connected with me for my entire life.
Until now, the symbolism was being transferred but the intention I felt when the words were said, was of another nature.
Interesting thing happened yesterday. Was on the phone with my sister and she was telling me about my niece. This is her second year working at a day care. She really enjoys working with the kids. Not only that, she’s taken a side job of working with a child with special needs. When she goes back to college in the fall, she’s decided to work with the special needs child as her job for the school year.
Mortal Online I followed a similar path. I became a caster/tamer my focus again on horses. I’d catch them in the wild and level them up and sold them to guildies for a discount or game them away if I had too many sitting around.
Between the two systems I did really like Black Desert’s breeding for the baby horses. It was always a surprise what you’d get next.
I don’t know what to do about the whole job thing. I’m good for now, but I also know I can’t just drive around aimlessly forever, my money will eventually run out. I really don’t want to even get to the point where I don’t have money to back me up. Which also means, I gotta start thinking about it seriously.
Problem I have, I don’t want it to feel like work. I also don’t want to be restrained by any required hours or locked in to a location. That was the great thing about being in real estate. I could work when I wanted, and if I wanted. The downside to being in real estate, there was nothing mentally stimulating in for me once I got the website built and learned the business. The freedom of it all carried me for a really long time, was never about the money. I always made enough to do what I wanted with some left over for savings.
Black Desert was a fun game I played for awhile with the guild. I found my little niche market there. I bred and sold horses.
That’s not to say the words/ thoughts didn’t come while I was shopping. Sometimes I dismiss them thinking it’s not what I needed or wanted at the time. I haven’t learned how to differentiate between a “calling” to do something and random thoughts that just cross my mind thinking I’m just being paranoid.
